When Rebate Offers Go Awry...

I am convinced that the general over-complicated-ness of most things (in addition to generally everything else ever) can be blamed on overpopulation. For instance, rebates; a simple concept ruined by too many people.

A couple of months ago, I upgraded from my p.o.s. phone to a trendy (and expensive) pink Razr (trendily misspelled) which I could get for the bargain price of $100 as long as I emptied my life savings into the Cingular vault and signed away my life to them in blood. It sounded reasonable enough so I made the move and walked out with a bit of purchased coolness, 'cause everyone knows money is good for nothing if not improving one's image.

A mere 3 years after I signed my soul over to the devil, I was mailed not one, but two "debit" cards of differing values as my rebate. Remember when people used to send you checks in the mail? All joking aside, I listened to the "rules" for using my new "debit" cards and found that I can't use them to buy gas unless I take one into the cashier. No pay-at-the-pump option here. I must run it through as a credit card, even though it has "DEBIT" written boldly across the front, and if I need to pay more than what is left on my card, I have to pay the difference first, which is really going to come in handy when I use my $30 card to fill up my car, which holds approximately $24.57 worth of gas. I guess I should mention that I was planning on using said cards exclusively for gas purchases since I only have 3 days (OK, months) to use them and want to make sure I spend the money. I'm sure the cashier's really going to appreciate me going in and saying, "Can you take $5.43 off my total and then let me pay the rest and then run this debit card through as a credit card? I promise it's all legit."

Thank you Cingular and VISA for making the rebate process so horrendously dumb that most people will give up before they use the money you give them. I'm not most people, though, and I plan on getting my revenge somehow, probably when I gain some power in the world and use it to stick it to The Man.

I also have to give a shout-out to my homies over at Alloy.com where I buy 90% of my clothes, even though a disturbing percentage comes in such a shoddy display of craftsmanship I'm pretty sure that I'm supporting some global child-labor ring. But they have great sales and I'm poor (or maybe just cheap). As a result of this awesome product quality, I was forced to return some jeans I bought and buy some that were 3 sizes larger than those I usually wear. They rebated me with "store credit" which is shit seeing as how it's an online-only operation and then added that I couldn't actually use the rebate online, meaning I had to wait for a catalogue and call in the old fashioned way, meaning I wasn't eligible for free shipping (which is an online-only offer). Meaning I gave them back their two pairs of nice (if mis-sized) jeans, and I got just enough money back to buy a pair of flip-flops and maybe cover the shipping.

Obviously there are too many people giving out rebates and too many people getting rebates or else this system would be more better. When too many people get involved in anything, simplicity goes out the window.

In other news, OP briefings may be a bit slower than usual for the next couple of weeks because I'm manning the booth over at Jake Watch while britpopbaby is cavorting in Italy.

Prophecy Girl out!