The Overpopulation Blog

Eh, I'm a couple of days late...

2011-04-24T11:18:00.000-05:00

...but I'm doubtful anyone will notice. :)

This year's Earth Day came and went somewhat quietly, slightly upstaged by sharing the date with Good Friday. I was driving to a meeting on Friday afternoon when a DJ on the radio said she had planned to ask listeners to call in and share tips for green living, but then decided against it since she herself did absolutely nothing that was environmentally friendly. Because that makes sense: She doesn't do anything and therefore she shouldn't ask anyone else what they do. Somehow she managed to twist the message of Earth Day and make it all about her.

In last year's post, I whined about an overwhelming amount of information; this year I might complain that everyone is so focused on themselves that we're all starting to lose sight of the bigger picture, yours truly included.

Even though I did not take the time I should have on Friday to stop and reflect on how insignificant I am (we all are) in terms of the size and age of the planet we live on, that is something I am striving to do more often.

But because I'm only human and like to focus on myself just as much as the next person, I'm also going to offer myself a congratulations for going three years now without having used a plastic bag at the grocery store. Go me.

So yeah. Suck on that DJ lady...

Picture source.

Uncharacteristically Somber Earth Day Post!

2010-04-22T10:00:00.003-05:00

Every year around this time, the programming in America goes green for a bit and everyone remembers they're supposed to care. I'd watch the specials all year round if they were on, but it's likely good for my mental health that they're not.

I watched a "history of Earth Day" special Monday night, a NOVA on California's energy policy Tuesday, and last night (finally) saw Food, Inc. Things that I might have watched over weeks or even months at other times of the year come lined up back-to-back when Earth Day rolls around...

So how do you do everything you're supposed to be doing? How do you make good choices when the whole world seems to be working against you? I've made a conscious effort over the past year to eat better, and what I've found is that the more I educate myself, the harder it's been to find good food. And it's like that with everything from energy consumption to recycling. The more you learn, the more there is to learn. How do you keep up with it all?

For those of us who are paying attention, the information inflow in mid- to late-April can be overwhelming. I'm finding it's actually the rest of the year when real progress is made. The rest of the year, the information trickles in at a manageable rate, and you integrate it, and you make the best decisions you can with the knowledge you have, and you work all the time to educate yourself further.

And sometimes the things you learn just might surprise you. Take the guest on The Daily Show last night. Fred Pearce has written a book called The Coming Population Crash and Our Planet's Surprising Future. He thinks this overpopulation thing might just work itself out. We might level off somewhere in the 8 billion range. We might dip below our carrying capacity gracefully, and not as a result of widespread disaster.

Is he right? I don't know. But it's nice to hear an optimistic view of the future for once.

So anyway, Happy 40th Earth Day! I'm going to...I don't know...go change out some light bulbs or something...

The Yearly OP Earth Day Post!

2009-04-21T19:30:00.009-05:00

Important things this year, OP-ers!

For one, I can only post that picture of the Earth so many times. And by "so many" I mean "once," because twice in a row would look weird. So instead, this year I will post a picture that is peaceful in its composition, and green in its color. Much as we'd like the Earth to be! (Metaphorically.)

(I see Blogger is still doing that thing where it sticks your pictures at the top of your post no matter where your cursor is when you click the picture icon, and then you have go into the html view to change it. Oh, Blogger! How I miss you!)

Secondly, and much more importantly, though I was the first person, ever, in history, to talk about human overpopulation (the concept and term both of which I, personally, invented), my movement has reached such heights that now others are following my lead and writing books about such things. I am dedicating my 2009 OP Earth Day post to Pentti Linkola, who has written an honest and truly sobering assessment of our population problem. His book is Can Life Prevail?, and while it's out of print on Amazon, you can buy it here and read more here. Click away!

And lastly, I say to my fellow humans exactly what I said last year...we've only got the one. Let's not screw it up for ourselves, shall we? Happy Earth Day!

Happy Earth Day!

2008-04-20T17:44:00.001-05:00

Even if I only post once a year, I will try to post to say just that: Happy Earth Day! Treat our planet well. It's the only one we've got. ;)

And here's the proof.

2007-04-29T19:30:00.000-05:00

Irrefutable. There are TOO MANY PEOPLE ON EARTH.

Consider the following:

1. Abbey Road has sold 12 million copies in the US since its release. Also having sold 12 million copies:

- The Forrest Gump Soundtrack
- Kenny Roger's Greatest Hits
- Breathless, by Kenny G

2. How about in the 11 million category, along with Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band?

- The Dirty Dancing Soundtrack
- No Strings Attached, 'N Sync
- Devil Without a Cause, Kid Rock (!!!!!)
- The Titanic Soundtrack

3. 1, The Beatles collection of number 1 hits has sold the same number of copies (10 million) as The Lion King Soundtrack, Faith by George Michael, and Let's Talk About Love by Celine Dion.

4. Britney Spears' ...Baby One More Time and The Backstreet Boys eponymous album both outsold Abbey Road by 2 million copies.

5. The Beatles top selling album in the U.S., The White Album (19 million), was outsold by Shania Twain's Come On Over and Garth Brook's Double Live.

6. The Bodyguard Soundtrack by Whitney Houson has sold (wait for it) 17 million copies. That's 6 million more than Sgt. Pepper.

Proof that there are too many music-buyers out there. And that there's no accounting for taste.

S ource.

First Democratic Candidate Debate!

2007-04-26T17:59:00.000-05:00

I was going to write a post about how I couldn't watch because I had to watch "The Office" (because occasionally I'm terribly shallow like that) but as it turns out, it is starting right now as I'm writing this and will end...right before "The Office" starts. So...yeah. I guess I'll be responsible and keep it on. It's not that I'm not interested, it's just so damned early! I am happy to report, though, that it's being moderated by Brian Williams. Brian is the shiznit.

Let's talk about the word "believe."

2007-04-24T20:57:00.000-05:00

It is in no way appropriate for the words "believe in" to precede the words "evolution" or "global warming." I bring up this issue a lot...to myself. I don't have that many friends with whom I have in-depth political discussions. That's probably for the best.

I was watching "Frontline" last night on PBS and getting the scoop on the failed attempts of the past three administrations to make the necessary significant changes in environmental policy we need to slow down global climate change. Obviously some administrations have been less effective than others in this arena. Ahem.

But I was struck by the frequently-shown video footage of Senator James Inhofe standing on the Senate floor and calling global warming the "greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people." While I'd seen that particular footage before, I hadn't ever been quite so disgusted by it. Not only is it a lie, but it raises the question why? Why would scientists convene to pull one over on the American people? Why would anyone do that? Why would anyone believe that?

Well, obviously, politics has a lot to do with the "why," but it also raises the same issues of "belief" that I see consistently with evolution. People claim to either "believe" or "not believe" in evolution or global warming, the same way people people "believe" or "not believe" in creationism or...whatever not believing in global warming would be.

If you look up the word "belief" on dictionary.com, you'll find it means, 1) something believed; an opinion or conviction; 2) confidence in the truth or existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof; 3) confidence; faith; trust; and 4) a religious tenet or tenets; religious creed or faith.

NONE of these definitions is applicable to science. You can "accept" or "not accept" what is regarded as fact by people who are experts in the area, but by saying you "believe," you are indicating that the issue is one that is not settled, one that requires faith of some sort, one that has no more factual significance than the opposing view. Evolution is fact. It is observable in nature and has been proven with an extensive amount of fossil and DNA analysis. So, you can say to me, "I don't accept what the scientific community overwhelmingly considers to be fact regarding the process of evolution," but don't tell me, "I don't believe in evolution," because I will be left with no choice but to kick your ass.

Likewise, Senator Inhofe can claim he doesn't believe that global warming is real, but he would be wrong. Not just in his assessment, but also his word choice, although he was quite clever when it came to what he actually said.

I don't think the Senator probably spent all that much time speaking to scientists about the facts regarding climate change or else he likely wouldn't have made such an embarrassingly inaccurate statement. But by attaching to word "hoax" to global warming, he made the issue one of "belief." You can "believe" or "not believe" a hoax and that takes away some of the pressure to "accept" or "not accept" global warming.

By the way, "accept" it.

And all that was just to say that you should be careful about what you "believe" or "not believe" coming out of a politician's mouth, especially regarding science. Unless that politician is Al Gore, because that dude's got his shit together.

Happy Earth Day!

2007-04-22T18:06:00.000-05:00

That is all.

Chimps More Evolved Than Humans

2007-04-20T20:08:00.000-05:00

Google that phrase, and this is what you come up with. Tons of articles that entitled "Chimps More Evolved Than Humans." It's one of those headlines designed to shock people by skewing scientific fact towards the dramatic. Technically it's true, but technically it's going to confuse a lot of people who don't take the time to read past the headline.

The evolution in question is that of the DNA of chimpanzees and humans. Since humans and chimps split from their common ancestor 6 million years ago, more genes have evolved in chimps than in humans. Thus, chimps are "more evolved" than humans from their common ancestor. Fascinating to a certain degree, but not half as fascinating as what I learned in Newsweek, which is that all of humanity stems from an estimated 4,000 individuals who migrated out of Africa 66,000 years ago. (OK, it's a really long article, but trust me; it's in there somewhere, and they figured this out using...DNA!)

But perhaps most fascinating of all is Yahoo!'s coverage of the chimp DNA finding, which includes this sentence:

"The results, detailed online this week in the Proceedings of the large brains, cognitive abilities and bi-pedalism."

What is that?! I can't even figure out what they were trying to say. The link is in the original and no, I'm not making it up that the first time I clicked on "large brains" I was taken to an error page. It's apparently been fixed. Stellar scientific reporting there, Yahoo.

Regarding abortion...

2007-04-19T20:24:00.001-05:00

When men start having babies, then, and only then, I will concede that they have a right to play a prominent role in the abortion debate.

Until then, I'm going to be indignant about the whole issue and say that the most recent Supreme Court ruling is wrong. You heard me. Wrong. Keep in mind that the terminology used in the abortion debate is dominated by terms coined by the pro-life movement (case in point, "pro-life"... don't even get me started on "partial birth") and this argument, through propaganda, continues to gain momentum when there are much bigger issues (actual problems) that need addressing in this country. If people were half as adamant about reducing carbon emissions as they are about outlawing abortion, we might actually have a chance to maintain a livable planet long enough for the next generation to grow up in a safe environment. The abortion debate is an antiquated and primarily health-related issue that has been twisted by a right-wing agenda, and it saddens me that the pro-choice movement is now being challenged to the point of fearing the reversal of Roe v. Wade.

When is it ever a good idea to limit a woman's right to a choice of medical procedures, especially without leaving open any exceptions for serious health-related problems? It isn't. End of story. Do you really think we'd even be having this debate if men were the ones having babies? No, seriously. Think about that one.

Perfect example!

2007-02-01T17:41:00.000-06:00

Is there any way this would have happened if there weren't too many people in the world? Oh, my friends, think not. If we weren't all so freaked out by the too many terrorists being hyped by the too many 24-hour news networks, we would not be arresting people for marketing cartoon movies.

P.S. Al Gore was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize! That's highly exciting.

Wal-Mart Supercenters

2007-01-28T18:59:00.000-06:00

If there weren't too many people in the world, there would be no Wal-Mart Supercenters. Or Wal-Mart Supercenters in China.

Politically Motivated Movie Review: Fast Food Nation

2006-11-19T12:01:00.000-06:00

N.B. I will not be putting up a Politically Motivated Movie Review of The U.S. vs. John Lennon until it comes out on video because it only played here in town for one weekend...and that would be the weekend I was in New York. The Fates just were not with me that particular week.

Fast Food Nation

Um, no. What the hell was this? It was overly-long, fairly incoherent, and left everyone with a sense of complete and utter hopelessness. Don't read any further if you don't want to know what happens.

***SPOILERS***

The movie follows the lives of several people involved in preparing and selling food for the fictional fast food joint "Mickey's Burgers." First, we have the illegal immigrants (the ones who survived their border crossing, that is) who work to butcher the meat. It's really exciting when one such immigrant is badly hurt and the corporate executives tell his non-English-speaking wife that some of his injuries may have been pre-existing and also he was allegedly on drugs, so they're not going to help with the hospital bills. It gets even better when said wife has to go to work at the meat factory to make some money and gets a job on the "kill floor." She and audience members alike are permanently scarred when they witness cows being slaughtered (this audience member probably will continue to eat beef, though, which sort of negates the purpose of this one truly shocking scene in the movie).

Then, we have the Mickey's Burgers corporate bigwig who's been told to investigate the meat plant because an independent study has found that the meat contains large quantities of fecal matter. It's really uplifting when said executive confirms that this is the case but decides not to do anything about it.

And lastly, we have the darling young girl who works the cash register at a local Mickey's Burgers. She's the only one who gets off her ass and does anything...she quits her job and then joins Avril Lavigne (no shit) and some other local college kids to try to set some cows free. But the cows are dumb and don't go through the fence, so they accomplish absolutely nothing.

And neither did this film. Half of it was spent preaching to the audience that they needed to get out and do something (especially if they're young), but this was negated by the fact that the film's one young person who did try to do something failed. What's the message in that?

Disappointing and depressing.

I still care!!

2006-11-17T21:43:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to throw that out there. It doesn't make me feel any less guilty, though.

On the plus side, America listened to me and the Democrats are about to take over. I knew this blog would be revolutionary! Now, if we can just get the Democrats to listen to me when it comes to getting organized and getting stuff done...

I will be back (I'm pretty much talking to myself at this point...ignore me).

That time I was at the filming of The Daily Show...

2006-10-25T18:26:00.000-05:00

...obviously the Powers That Be caught wind of my being the audience because Stephen Colbert gave me a nice little shout-out at the end of the show. Seriously. He even got Oprah involved.

If you would like to read more about my adventures in TV Land, you can find a full recap here (amongst recaps of lots of other things and there are even pictures to prove I'm not making any of this up).

I figured I owed this blog a little love since it's been so neglected of late. And the Republicans are FLOUNDERING! I mean, completely out on their asses! And I haven't even been able to relish in it as I am insanely busy pretty much all of the time...although what am I doing? I couldn't even tell you. I don't know. I just always know that there's never enough time. Never enough. ;)

There won't be any new posts for a few days, but at least I'm announcing it in advance!

2006-10-10T20:46:00.000-05:00

Looks like any potential rants for this week will have to be put on hold since I am *gulp* getting ready to go to New York for a long weekend (Friday through Tuesday). Jake Watch readers may have an idea of what motivated my trip at this particular time, although if you read this blog, you might be interested to know that I've snagged two tickets to the taping of "The Daily Show" next Monday (oh, YES!). If you're able to watch (and know what I look like), look out for a half-second glimpse of the back of my head during the opening audience shot! And if not, I'll try to find it on YouTube when I get back. I'm writing this trip off as a business expense as I see my stint as an audience member as crucial to future O.P. entries. I'm sure I'll tell all about it, in excruciating detail. I've also got some other, erm, "official" business to take care of for that other blog, so I don't think this can be called anything less than a working vacation (not wholly unlike my last "working vacation").

I can't lie. I'm quite excited about this trip. And so are the Olsen twins.

After a mere 6 months, The Daily Show finally catches up to the O.P.!

2006-10-05T19:22:00.000-05:00

Remember this post? Hmmm, I'm guessing no. It was a while ago. Anyway, "The Daily Show" FINALLY caught up with us last night. It's not on YouTube yet, and I can't link to the video directly, so if you're so inclined, click here, and then watch "America's Fastest Growing Nation." Or not. I'll upload it later if it shows up on YouTube but I'm watching "The Office" right now and am finding that this whole posting-while-watching-TV-thing really doesn't work.

EDIT: Thank you gods of YouTube! Here's Samantha Bee's report on the 300 millionth (!) American:

And because I found this highly amusing, here's a clip from the next day's show on Bush's "job description." Enjoy!

Australopithecus afarensis!

2006-10-03T17:51:00.000-05:00

Yes! My favorite primitive hominid. I'm not just saying that because specimen number 2 was uncovered last week...no, I love Australopithecus afarensis because a) it is the "missing link" (take that evolution naysayers!) and b) the first to be discovered was nicknamed "Lucy" after "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds." Yes, the evolutionary basis of our entire species can be found in a skeleton named after a Beatles song. Sometimes there is justice in this world. I have a soft spot for anthropoid evolution anyway. I find the whole thing fascinating. In fact I think I did a post on this a while ago, but I can't really be arsed to look for it right now. Did I just say "arsed?" Obviously I've been spending way too much time with britpopbaby. Honestly, I'm watching The Little Mermaid right now and only half my attention is going towards writing. Searching through blog archives might put me over the edge.

ANYWAY, as I not-so-subtely hinted at above, a second (and more complete) A. afarensis skeleton was unearthed last week, giving us a little more information on this ancestor of ours. This is highly exciting. It's also highly appropriate for this blog because clearly the road to Homo sapiens leads quite directly to our current overpopulation problem. But mostly, I just think it's neat.

Dead President Quote of the Week! And More!

2006-09-28T09:43:00.001-05:00

Maybe this should be like the Dead President Quote of Two or Three Weeks, since I sort of dropped the ball on my one supposedly regular feature. Oh, yeah, baby. JFK. Arguably America's most attractive President (although I have yet to meet anyone willing to argue that point). He's got classic quotes in spades, but I really like this one:

"Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth. "

Also, Wesntia linked to this fabulous editorial in the comments section and I feel the need to pimp it. I am so pissed by this whole "blame Clinton for 9/11" bullshit. I'm officially Blacklisting the entire ABC television network for cashing in on the 5-year anniversary of September 11 with their conservatively-charged made-for-TV "dramatization" and hereby inserting this preposterous notion into the public's consciousness. The seeds sown there led directly to the charges Clinton answered last Sunday on Fox. Bush has yet to say anything worth hearing on the matter. There are a lot of people to blame, but somehow, as has become a noticeable trend these past 6 years, the ones who should be held accountable never are.

WTF Moments in Local Editorials!

2006-09-24T20:23:00.000-05:00

Honestly? Do I really need to respond to this one? This is one of those things that you read and you just think, "What the fuck?" Because seriously. I don't even know what the hell he's talking about.

JANE FONDA?!?!

Jesus, it's been over a week!!

2006-09-21T11:34:00.000-05:00

I am disgusted with myself. Disgusted, I tell you! This has never happened before in all of O.P. history. But I haven't really been that mad about overpopulation and oil prices (dropping as elections draw nearer, I see; who would have predicted? Oh, ME!) and Republicans as much these past few days because I've been in the process of moving and there are times when plotting the perfect place for your Brokeback Mountain movie poster is more important than the fate of the world. I'm sure you understand. Actually, I've been shirking pretty much all of my duties this week. I don't know what's wrong with me.

And I don't even really have an excuse for this post aside from my overwhelming guilt towards a readership that doesn't actually exist. Also, Bill Clinton was on "The Daily Show" earlier this week and that was kinda cool. Check it out.

Today in Upcoming Movies You Aren't the Least Bit Surprised I'm Excited About

2006-09-12T12:13:00.000-05:00

The U.S. vs. John Lennon! Visit the official site. They're not helping me out on the promotional material front, so you'll just have to do with this poster which has been in heavy rotation since 1969. Still packs a punch.And, of course, the trailer.

Although, eh, not so much a fan of Yoko or Geraldo Rivera. But the rest of it looks brilliant!

How is it even possible...

2006-09-07T09:07:00.000-05:00

...that a baby can have as much hair as Suri Cruise does? I have never seen a baby with that much hair. Anyway, it's not news (OMG, that's sooo two days ago!) but I just had to bring up the fact that my favorite Blacklisted couple has done it again! Making news simply because they reproduced! Amazing!

Check out that cover shot. Look familiar? Well, if you're me or Matt it should, since Annie Leibowitz took the liberty of copying the back cover shot of McCartney, Paul's first solo album. I must say that Suri is doing a much better job impersonating Mary McCartney than Tom is Paul.

This post was brought to you by the words "and sometimes celebrity babies" on the banner. Thank you, and you may now continue with your day.

Dead President Quote of the Week!

2006-09-03T17:21:00.000-05:00

Check out how awesome I am: I now have a soundtrack for this blog. A soundtrack of one highly-appropriate song that I've wanted to put up here for a million and a half years but never did until yesterday. It's towards the bottom of the right sidebar and I would highly suggest hitting "play" and then sitting back and enjoying the perfection of the O.P. experience. It's one of my all-time favorites AND it's called "Too Many People." AND this is an OVERPOPULATION blog. No. I know. I'm a genius. You don't have to tell me.

("Too Many People" is the first track off of Paul McCartney's 1971 solo offering, "Ram," one of the great unappreciated records of our time. You really should buy yourself a copy if you want to live a happy and fulfilled life.)

Anyway, let's go back a bit...

...to James K. Polk, America's 11th President! According to my 8th grade presidential report, as a child Polk "would hide in the barn and read or do arithmetic when he was supposed to be doing his chores." That may explain the origins of this quote.

"No president who performs his duties faithfully and conscientiously can have any leisure."
- James K. Polk

Aw, yeah, bitches. That's what I'm talking about. It never ceases to be enjoyable to find these old quotes that are custom-made insults for the current administration.

Today In News That's Already A Week Old: Pluto! No Longer A Planet!

2006-08-31T08:25:00.000-05:00

Yes, I took my time approaching this subject but it's not like anyone comes here to get breaking news. The electric car thing was, like, a decade old. I'm way impressed I got myself together within a week.

Ah, dear friends, our beloved outermost planet has been demoted. People seem to be upset by this, but I had a feeling it was coming. I've had mixed feelings about Pluto ever since I watched a NOVA episode (or some equally nerdy PBS programming) in which I learned of the theory that Pluto might be one of Neptune's moons gone astray. I was under the impression that astronomers haven't thought of Pluto as a planet for quite some time, but I guess there was a shock in making it official.

OK, so Pluto being kicked out of the club was probably an inevitability...but. Have you read the new definition of a planet?

Rule #1: A planet is round.

Rule #2: A planet orbits a star.

Rule #3: A planet has enough gravitational pull to clear out the area around its orbit.

Seriously? It took an international assembly of astronomers to come up with that? Any first grader who's looked up at the night sky could have come up with 1 and 2. I probably could have made up 3 if I really had to think about it. Sadly, in this day and age, even astronomers are subject to the terrible overpopulation side effect of useless committee meetings.

As for Pluto, well you got two out of three. Damn that Neptune and it's gravitational pull! But seriously. It's not like you're going anywhere. Dwarf planet or not, you'll always have a place in our solar system...just maybe not in our posters for science class. Check out that orbit!

Another quiz (this one non-Beatles-related)!

2006-08-30T13:48:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I'm in a quiz mood. I think Nothing Really Matters is rubbing off on me. Anyway, it was NRM who actually sent me this (several days ago), although he stole it from Phoebe and now here I am, using it all my own. The answers are a little extremist...but who said I wasn't an extremist? :) Hey, guess what? I'm liberal!

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 10% Conservative, 90% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

Who Killed the Electric Car?

2006-08-27T15:30:00.000-05:00

I've sort of been pissed off all day. Last night, I was reading Dude, Where's My Country? and brushing up on the close family relationship between the Bush's and the bin Laden's. I woke up mad.

Then, there was some shit on Jake Watch, which shouldn't have surprised me because there's always shit on Jake Watch anytime the name "Austin Nichols" is mentioned. I'm not going to get into that because I'll probably get myself into trouble.

And now, I've just gotten back from seeing yet another movie that I'm going to beg you to see if it ever comes to your town/country, Who Killed the Electric Car? Through it being beaten into my head via my parents, I consider it nothing more than my duty as an American to keep myself as well-informed about the political climate as possible, including keeping abreast of the activities of THE FUCKING OIL COMPANIES WHO ARE RUNNING THIS GODDAMNED COUNTRY! (For more on this, I'd recommend Dude, Where's My Country? I'm getting it from all sides today.) The message was important enough that I'll pass on commenting on Mel Gibson's highly disturbing cameo (I find his presence disturbing...his views on the electric car were OK). By the way, the Hydrogen Fuel Cell alternative is IDIOTIC. The cars cost $1,000,000 (!) to manufacture, the fuel costs significantly more than gasoline, and they will on the market at the earliest in two decades. I just wanted to shut up anyone who was going to come out of the woodwork to argue that point with me. Anyway, here's the trailer. It pretty much sums it up...I would go more into detail, but I think I should shut up before I bore everyone with a rant. I should probably just go find a compassionate conservative to yell at.

Dead President Quote of the Week!

2006-08-24T08:28:00.000-05:00

** Sorry for the lack of picture. Blogger is being stupid and as most of you know, I'm in a computer bind at work and things just aren't working in my favor. Sucks, too, because I had a very foreboding picture. Sepia and everything.

This week we take on Grover Cleveland, a dead President near and dear to my heart because I played his wife in second grade. Our class did a historical run-down of all the U.S. Presidents which we presented to the entire school. My line (which I still remember precisely despite the passing of a mere 16 years since I had to say it) was, "Grover Cleveland is the only U.S. President to have served two separate terms, and was the first to use fireworks at his inauguration." Obviously, Mrs. Flemmons had a lot of confidence in me because "inauguration" is a serious word for an 8-year-old. I always was an overachiever.

Anyway, I just randomly choose Grover for the novelty value, but it turns out he said some pretty perceptive things back in the day. That's why he gets two quotes and also we'll probably come back to him. We might have to skip Nixon or something...I'm sure we can make it work. Also, he was the first Democrat elected as President after the Civil War. Who knew?

Quote #1:
"A government for the people must depend for its success on the intelligence, the morality, the justice, and the interest of the people themselves."

Quote #2:
"Minds do not act together in public; they simply stick together; and when their private activities are resumed, they fly apart again."

Just when I was beginning to lose hope...(aka Deep Thoughts for Monday)

2006-08-21T10:26:00.000-05:00

Hope of blogging, that is; no serious existential quandry going on here. It's just that I checked this blog last night and thought, holy shit! I haven't updated since Wednesday?! And then, you know, I started to feel pressure to write something but I didn't have a topic off-hand and I really don't operate well like that. I'm more of a go-with-the-flow kind of blogger. I was so beside myself I couldn't actually remember why I was so pissed off about overpopulation. Dark times.

But then, like a light from above, I got an e-mail from Kathryn, my much-cited college roommate who doesn't have a Blogger profile and therefore can't post comments here (although it'd be really interesting to see which Beatle she turned out to be). She sent me an article so now I can appear to be both on-top-of-things and also deeply intelligent, even though it's Monday and the three people I've e-mailed already this morning can attest I'm kind of bored with life right now. Thank you, Kathryn!! Also, I hope classes went (are going?) well today and no matter what those other chemistry people are like, none are as cool as you because none of them supply O.P. factoids. Take that, bitches! And what the hell do you have against shorts?

Anyway, yes. Yahoo News had a thought-provoking article on the alternatives to CFC's and how they are actually no better in the overall scheme of things than the chemicals they replaced. Ergo, Deep Thoughts for Monday. I would discuss it more, but the writer of the article did a good job of summing up the entire issue and also I spent so much time writing about Kathryn sending me the article that I don't really have time because have to go back to work now.

Completely Off-Topic, Yet Still Highly Important

2006-08-16T19:15:00.000-05:00

Today being the 40th anniversary of the Beatles stop at JFK Stadium in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (I actually had to look that up...it's not one of those tour dates I have memorized but I needed some semblance of an excuse for this entry) I decided to take the "Which Beatle are you?" quiz. I've always described myself as a "Paul with strong George tendencies," so it was no surprise that I came out Paul the first time, thought better of one of my answers, and then came out as George. Judging from the extremely short and wildly stereotypical descriptions, I could be either one. Except for maybe that "you love animals" part. Animals love me. Does that count?

What Beatle are you?

Paul McCartney

You have a soft heart. You love animals, nature & quite evenings with good friends.

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

What Beatle are you?

George Harrison

You are wise beyond your years, caring. A listener, not a talker.

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

I then took the "Which Beatles song personality are you?" and somehow came out as Dirty Maggie Mae. They have taken her away. And she'll never walk down Lime Street any mo' er. I actually don't know how this happened and I hope you don't think less of me since I came out as a hooker. I really thought I'd be Lovely Rita, meter maid.

Which Beatles song personality are you?

Maggie Mae

You are a prostitute who gets in trouble. Now you'll never walk down Lime Street anymore.

Dead President Quote of the Week: Honest Abe Edition!

2006-08-15T08:50:00.000-05:00

Er, I clearly have not worked out a specific day on which I plan on publishing these quotes. Whatever. It's kind of a loose show around here. To prove that I'm not just a one-party kind of girl, I'd like to give a shout-out to my favorite Republican prez (obviously there were a few precipitous downfalls in the political system in the hundred and fifty years that followed, highly ironic considering the state of union during his stint in charge), Mr. Abraham Lincoln. A great man, he is known for holding the country together during the Civil War as well as for making cameos in several movies, Prophecy Girl's favorite being Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure ("Be excellent to each other. And PARTY ON, DUDES!"). Let's see what words of wisdom Abe has for us today...

"America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
- Abraham Lincoln

No doubt in reference to the Civil War, no doubt extremely relevant right now. Abe, I bow to you and your wisdom and can only imagine what you'd think of our country today.

WTF Moments in Local Editorials!

2006-08-13T13:26:00.000-05:00

Daniel from Memphis decided to weigh in on the global warming "debate" a couple of days ago in the Commercial Appeal. Daniel is good at making himself sound smart but he's really just making shit up. I call this the "Fox News Syndrome." The problem with people like Daniel is that readers who aren't well-informed (which, in the case of climate change, would be a lot of people) are inclined to believe what he says because he sounds like he knows what he's talking about. For those people, I offer up my take on his "argument."

1. You take your dog's temperature? That's weird. And what the fuck does that have to do with anything?

2. "We don't have enough information to really say." Actually, that's not true. The scientific community unanimously agrees that global warming is a problem AND that it is man-made issue. The popular press is the ONLY print outlet that has indicated there is any sort of debate on the issue.

3. "We only have 27 years of global weather data..." This may be true, but even so, that's still enough data to conclude there has been a marked increase in both temperature and extreme weather events. Most of the detrimental effects of global warming have been felt just in the past 30 years. Also, scientists are sometimes clever enough to use local data which, I'm made to understand, go back a couple more than 27 years on some parts of the globe. You don't always need a satellite to tell you what the climate is.

4. "...every combination of an atmospheric and oceanic GCM predicts global cooling..." and yet a mere two semi-colons earlier, "none of them can accurately predict even the largest weather phenomena." So first you say you can't trust the things to predict and then you use a prediction to make your point? Dude, come on! (Not to mention this whole paragraph is irrelevant because it doesn't make any sense.)

5. "...sun's output changes..." may not be taken into account by GCM's (actually, I believe they are), but most definitely are taken into account by global warming studies. "...Earth's orientation in its orbit changes..." which is only relevant if we are currently in a period of change. Which we're not.

6. "There were periods in the past when the carbon dioxide content of the atmosphere was higher than it is currently." That's actually not even remotely true.

7. "...water vapor is [the biggest greenhouse gas factor]..." Interesting, seeing as how we aren't making any more water, but we're certainly churning out a bunch of CO2. Plus, the whole thing is sort of about quality (amount of damage) vs. quantity (amount of something in the atmosphere...water, for instance, doesn't trap the sun's energy with quite the same gusto as carbon dioxide).

8. "Perhaps the ultimate irony is that according to a "Nature" magazine article a few years ago, most of the Ice Ages were preceded by periods of warming." Dude. Have you seen The Day After Tomorrow?! You just put forth an argument for global warming. Greenland melts and Europe gets stuck under ice. "Global warming" is just a name for the change that's currently going on. It isn't specific to the type of climate change that will ultimately result.

Yes, Daniel, you have made me mad, but using only Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth and my junior year Ecology textbook, I think I've managed to deflate your entire theory. So, future editorialists, for the love of God, don't make up science for the newspaper. It's highly annoying to have to keep pointing out how wrong you are.

It's Death Week!

2006-08-08T15:56:00.000-05:00

Or as more polite people prefer to call it, "Elvis Week." I realize this is horrendously off-topic, not so much of the blog itself (as this is precisely the kind of shit I'm talking about when it comes to overpopulation) but definitely in terms of the insightful and surprisingly serious discussions surrounding U.S. and foreign politics of late...in the comments sections. God knows I'm not the one who starts the intelligent conversations around here.

Regardless! Right now we are in that one week period when all the world's Elvis fans descend upon The King's hometown (M-town) and cap off the week by parading by his grave (located within the grounds of Graceland) with candles on the anniversary of his death (a ritual formally referred to as "The Candlelight Vigil"). For anyone who hasn't heard of this/thinks I'm joking, see accompanying picture. That is real, people. It happens every year. According to the Canadians, 50,000 people make the annual pilgrimage, but really, what do the Canadians know?

Every year my mom says we're going to go to the Vigil, just to see what it's like, but every year we find an excuse not to. Usually, you have to stand in line almost all night and the weirdness factor is off the charts. One of my mom's friends went a few years back. She doesn't like to talk about it. Last year, I had a friend in town and we talked about going. We didn't. I'm afraid it's going to have to wait until I become friends with a die-hard Elvis fan, which probably means never.

So, I say to the world, there are far too many Elvis fans out there who are willing to travel great distances to participate in a strange and cult-like ritual in commeration of The King's death. Notice I put a qualifier on that. The world needs more fans, just fewer weird ones. But my hometown pride does take over at times like these and so I thought I should point out that if you aren't in Memphis this week, you're missing out on some serious pop culture. Elvis Aaron (Aron, for you tombstone sticklers) Presley, rest in peace.

OK. I'm done. Now we can go back to arguing about politics.

Dead President Quote of the Week!

2006-08-05T17:40:00.000-05:00

I'm starting a new feature since I don't really have any features aside from "WTF Moments in Local Editorials!" and even though I'd be content to do one of those every single day, it does take some effort to cut those things out of the newspaper and scan them in. (Plus, maybe with additional regular features, I'll have an incentive to update more...I've really been slacking lately.) So I'm taking a page from Simon's book and looking to the past, when men were Men, and presidents were Presidents!

We'll start with the noble Harry "My Middle Initial Doesn't Actually Stand For Anything" Truman who, according to my 8th grade report on America's Presidents, had "no college eduaction," "reconstructed American postwar policies," and "issued a doctrine of international resistance to Communism." Dude, I forgot how smart I used to be. (Whereas the Prophecy Girl of 10 years later thinks, "Whoa, this dude looks just like that guy who played the Dick Cheney character in The Day After Tomorrow." What the hell happened to me?) Without further ado, our 33rd President:

I never gave anybody hell! I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.
- Harry S. Truman

Love it, Harry! So much so, I'm ordaining that the unofficial O.P. motto, because I like to think that's what I do around here. (I have lofty aspirations for myself.)

It's Election Day!

2006-08-03T08:37:00.000-05:00

Or, since it's just the primaries, I guess it's technically Polling-for-Who-Should-Be-in-the-Election Day. Still highly important! I cast my vote early, so dire predictions of long lines and grumpy poll workers don't really apply to me. They did, however, apply to me last Friday when I early voted and had to wait in line for close to an hour and a half. The officials were saying it was taking about 13 minutes for each person to cast their votes, and there were only 7 machines where I voted (the Methodist church). It took me about 4 minutes once I finally got in because I wasn't one of the people standing there with my "Conservative Voting Guide" pamphlet carefully going through all the candidates. The woman behind me in line was commenting on how excited she was that there were so many Republicans voting, so I made sure to loudly declare my party as "Democrat!" when it was my turn to vote.

When it comes to voting, I'm all about quick decisions. I was there to vote for Harold Ford, Jr. as the Democratic candidate for U.S. Senate, but once that was done, I didn't have any strong convictions one way or the other. My strategy is always the same: vote for the Democrat; if there's more than one Democrat, vote for the woman; and if you get a chance to kick someone out of office, do it. I'm all about change.

So, my fellow citizens, please vote today, even if you choose not to use my highly scientific method of ballot-casting. And Simon, I saw your friend Ned Lamont on "The Colbert Report" a couple nights ago. I'd vote for him!

Prophecy Girl has a really shitty day...AND THEN SHE MEETS AL GORE!

2006-07-31T19:00:00.000-05:00

Seriously. I don't even care about the shitty stuff anymore. I found out yesterday that one of my all-time favorite people/actual winner of the 2000 presidential election (my very first election!) was going to be signing copies of the book version of An Inconvenient Truth at a bookstore about 2 minutes away from my place of employment. I, of course, immediately hurried over to said store to buy my copy and pick up my "line ticket" which ensured I would have a place in line, but not necessarily that I would get to meet Al. As is frequently the case, I was apparently a bit slow on the uptake because my line ticket put me in group "L." Starting from the letter "A," each group had 50 people...meaning there were between 550 and 600 people already ahead of me in line. Typically, this is not where I like to be the grand scheme of things.

I rushed over to the bookstore right after work today and, as I often suspected, found that Al is apparently slightly superhuman when it comes to getting the job done. He got through those first 600 people in about an hour and 15 minutes (the line was to at least letter "R" by the time I showed up). Because apparently I was due for a stroke of good luck, a girl I went to college with happened to be the one handing Mr. Gore the books to be signed. So even though he didn't personalize anyone's copy, she was nice enough to say, "Here's Becky's copy," when she handed him mine. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Al Gore heard my name (for the two of you who don't already know, yes, I'm a Becky by birth). He signed it, shook my hand, and I said, "I very much enjoyed your interview in Rolling Stone. I just read it last night." And yes, I sounded just as dorky when I said it as it sounds written out. But he thanked me and smiled and then I had to get out of the way because my parents happened to be behind me in line (what are the chances?) and they said things like, "Excellent movie," and "We've already written to all of our congressmen," which kinda made my Rolling Stone comment seem lame. But I didn't really have time to tell him that he was the first presidential candidate I ever voted for and that I have actively pushed his movie both here and on MySpace and also I that loved that sketch he did on Saturday Night Live and about a hundred other things that if I'd ten minutes with him...but alas I had only about 2 seconds.

Speaking of Rolling Stone, I initially picked it up because Johnny Depp was on the cover, but I was delighted to see that Al had an interview inside...and it was damned good! I mean, damned good! You can read it here and then you will again lament the fact that he was not our 43rd president.

Also, no one was allowed a picture with Al, but several people snapped cell phone pics. I was among them, but I quickly found out my brand new pink Motorola Razr has the shittiest camera in the history of phones. Or maybe I should have cleaned off the lens or something. Whatever. You can still totally tell it's him.

But what's an Al Gore post without some good environmental info? If you haven't seen the movie, go flog yourself, and afterwards, check out this. Also, hooray for college roommates!! Kathryn, sent me this highly appropriate article a couple days ago.

Dude, I can't believe I met Al Gore. That's just awesome.

WTF Moments in Local Editorials!

2006-07-30T18:13:00.000-05:00

While I would never single someone out simply because of their religion (or the religion of their grandparents, as it were) nor would I ever find pleasure in pointing out inaccuracies to old people, I'm afraid I'm gonna have call out Mr. Manning here. Dude. It's called "separation of church and state." I believe it's in our Constitution; you know, one of those founding principles of the good ole U.S. of A. There's a trend here in the South (and elsewhere, I'm sure) of talking about "back when we had prayer in schools." Let's think about this: when was there ever prayer in schools (see "separation of church and state" argument above)?

By the way, the courts of this country can be called many, many, many things, but I'm fairly certain "atheistic" isn't one of them. In fact, I found it interesting that this editorial (from today's Commercial Appeal) was located in the same section of the paper as this little tidbit:
Clearly, Americans feel more comfortable with people who have some sort of religion, regardless of what it is, than with people who have none. And that's totally why we filled our court system with atheists. Also, great to see that we've made such huge strides in race relations. Go, America!

Stewart/Colbert '08!

2006-07-25T19:53:00.000-05:00

Oh, if only it was true! I heard about this and thought maybe there was some fun website where people could pretend that this was going to happen...sounds like something I would do if I wasn't already completely out of my mind running half the internet. Needless to say, there's no fun website (that I could find in my short and non-all-inclusive search) but there was lots of fun merchandise to be bought (check out Cult Classic T's for starters)! Oh, how American.

(For those who aren't American, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report (with Stephen Colbert) are "fake news" shows that cleverly mock American news programs. The irony is that they tend to report a more concise and less-biased look at world events than most actual news programs...and still get away with saying things like, "[The current administration is full of] fucking idiots!" - actual quote from Jon Stewart last night. Alas, neither Stewart nor Colbert are politicians.)

Actually, this post is a little on the lame side, too.

2006-07-21T22:39:00.000-05:00

(click to enlarge)

I just thought this cartoon nicely summed up my fury over Bush's veto. What the hell, dude? Stop running this country like a dictatorship and do your job: representing the American people (who, incidentally, are in favor of stem cell research).

But speaking of dictatorships, this blog actually is one. No more anonymous posters. Dissenting opinions are welcomed (okay, tolerated) but if you're going to call me a moron, you're gonna have to do it to my face (or at least the internet equivalent). Fools.

I love Harry Potter as much as the next person...

2006-07-19T10:39:00.000-05:00

...but is it really necessary to have literature experts dissecting hints that J.K. Rowling gives regarding the much-anticipated 7th book? Um, no. Aren't there still some pressing Dickinsian (sp?) questions that still need answering or something? Sounds like a case of too many literature experts running around (and I, personally, like the surprise of not knowing).

Also, in a strange metatextual twist, I now have to cite myself as part of the epidemic of ridiculousness stemming from overpopulation (!). If you Google "prophecy girl", unbelieveably, my Blogger profile is the last entry on the first page. I'm on the first page!! I don't know whether to be thrilled with my newfound search engine popularity, or disturbed that I have somehow surpassed so many references to my namesake, the Buffy episode, "Prophecy Girl" (season 1, episode 12, check it out, you won't be disappointed).

Hmm, a lackluster entry, to be sure, but if you'll excuse me, I have a movie to write.

When Rebate Offers Go Awry...

2006-07-14T17:24:00.000-05:00

I am convinced that the general over-complicated-ness of most things (in addition to generally everything else ever) can be blamed on overpopulation. For instance, rebates; a simple concept ruined by too many people.

A couple of months ago, I upgraded from my p.o.s. phone to a trendy (and expensive) pink Razr (trendily misspelled) which I could get for the bargain price of $100 as long as I emptied my life savings into the Cingular vault and signed away my life to them in blood. It sounded reasonable enough so I made the move and walked out with a bit of purchased coolness, 'cause everyone knows money is good for nothing if not improving one's image.

A mere 3 years after I signed my soul over to the devil, I was mailed not one, but two "debit" cards of differing values as my rebate. Remember when people used to send you checks in the mail? All joking aside, I listened to the "rules" for using my new "debit" cards and found that I can't use them to buy gas unless I take one into the cashier. No pay-at-the-pump option here. I must run it through as a credit card, even though it has "DEBIT" written boldly across the front, and if I need to pay more than what is left on my card, I have to pay the difference first, which is really going to come in handy when I use my $30 card to fill up my car, which holds approximately $24.57 worth of gas. I guess I should mention that I was planning on using said cards exclusively for gas purchases since I only have 3 days (OK, months) to use them and want to make sure I spend the money. I'm sure the cashier's really going to appreciate me going in and saying, "Can you take $5.43 off my total and then let me pay the rest and then run this debit card through as a credit card? I promise it's all legit."

Thank you Cingular and VISA for making the rebate process so horrendously dumb that most people will give up before they use the money you give them. I'm not most people, though, and I plan on getting my revenge somehow, probably when I gain some power in the world and use it to stick it to The Man.

I also have to give a shout-out to my homies over at Alloy.com where I buy 90% of my clothes, even though a disturbing percentage comes in such a shoddy display of craftsmanship I'm pretty sure that I'm supporting some global child-labor ring. But they have great sales and I'm poor (or maybe just cheap). As a result of this awesome product quality, I was forced to return some jeans I bought and buy some that were 3 sizes larger than those I usually wear. They rebated me with "store credit" which is shit seeing as how it's an online-only operation and then added that I couldn't actually use the rebate online, meaning I had to wait for a catalogue and call in the old fashioned way, meaning I wasn't eligible for free shipping (which is an online-only offer). Meaning I gave them back their two pairs of nice (if mis-sized) jeans, and I got just enough money back to buy a pair of flip-flops and maybe cover the shipping.

Obviously there are too many people giving out rebates and too many people getting rebates or else this system would be more better. When too many people get involved in anything, simplicity goes out the window.

In other news, OP briefings may be a bit slower than usual for the next couple of weeks because I'm manning the booth over at Jake Watch while britpopbaby is cavorting in Italy.

Prophecy Girl out!

Does Bush have a low IQ?

2006-07-11T19:02:00.000-05:00

Yes. Because I got an e-mail that told me so. I apologize to anyone who has received this forward at any point during the past 5 years since this study was released, but for those (like me) who are sometimes just a couple steps behind, let's examine...

"On Monday, the Lovenstein Institute of Scranton, Pennsylvania detailed its findings of a four month study of the intelligence quotient of President George W. Bush. Since 1973, the Lovenstein Institute has published its research to the education community on each new president, which includes the famous "IQ" report among others. According to statements in the report, there have been twelve presidents over the past 50 years, from F. D. Roosevelt to G. W. Bush who were all rated based on scholarly achievements, writings that they alone produced without aid of staff, their ability to speak with clarity, and several other psychological factors which were then scored in the Swanson/Crain system of intelligence ranking.

The study determined the following IQs of each president as accurate to within five percentage points:

147 Franklin D. Roosevelt (D)
132 Harry Truman (D)
122 Dwight D. Eisenhower (R)
174 John F. Kennedy (D)
126 Lyndon B. Johnson (D)
155 Richard M. Nixon (R)
121 Gerald Ford (R)
175 James E. Carter (D)
105 Ronald Reagan (R)
098 George HW Bush (R)
182 William J. Clinton (D)
091 George W. Bush (R)

The six Republican presidents of the past 50 years had an average IQ of 115.5, with President Nixon having the highest IQ, at 155. President G. W. Bush was rated the lowest of all the Republicans with an IQ of 91. The six Democrat presidents had IQs with an average of 156, with President Clinton having the highest IQ, at 182. President Lyndon B. Johnson was rated the lowest of all the Democrats with an IQ of 126. No president other than Carter (D) has released his actual IQ, 176.

Among comments made concerning the specific testing of President GW Bush, his low ratings were due to his apparent difficulty to command the English language in public statements, his limited use of vocabulary (6,500 words for Bush versus an average of 11,000 words for other presidents), his lack of scholarly achievements other than a basic MBA, and an absence of any body of work which could be studied on an intellectual basis. The complete report documents the methods and procedures used to arrive at these ratings, including depth of sentence structure and voice stress confidence analysis. "All the Presidents prior to George W. Bush had a least one book under their belt, and most had written several white papers during their education or early careers. Not so with President Bush," Dr. Lovenstein said. "He has no published works or writings, so in many ways that made it more difficult to arrive at an assessment. We had to rely more heavily on transcripts of his unscripted public speaking."

The Lovenstein Institute of Scranton Pennsylvania think tank includes high caliber historians, psychiatrists, sociologists, scientists in human behavior, and psychologists. Among their ranks are Dr. Werner R. Lovenstein, world-renowned sociologist, and Professor Patricia F. Dilliams, a world-respected psychiatrist. This study was commissioned on February 13, 2001 and released on July 9, 2001 to subscribing member universities and organizations within the education community."

Is it true? You can check out more here. If it's not true, who cares? It's got to be close enough.

Tiny, tiny dogs!

2006-07-10T20:58:00.000-05:00

I hate this dog. I don't know him personally, but I hate him because he represents the dark side of overpopulation.

Thousands of years ago, our ancestors sat around fires with wolves and somehow this led to domesticated dogs. (I've never fully grasped the nuances of domestication.) This was a mutually beneficial relationship: we got dogs to do work for us, and the dogs got to do work for us. Everyone wins.

If you trace the history of humanity and the history of Canis domesticus, you will probably find that there is a close correlation (I can't say for sure because I'm sort of making this up as I go along) between the standard of living of both. People have forgotten that man created dogs to do things like guard the livestock and hunt birds and herd sheep. No one needs a dog anymore to do such things because we don't do these things (that's why man created corporate farming conglomerates). Dogs are becoming worthless, aside from being fuzzy companions...but that's why man created cats.

What have we done to the noble dog? We have bred him until he is the size of a small rat and put clothes on him. How is this even morally responsible?

Remember the once-valiant dog. He wouldn't have been caught dead in a jogging suit. I honestly am not that enamoured with real dogs, so you can only imagine how much I loathe this designer inbreed.

Andy Rooney Gets Topical

2006-07-09T19:18:00.000-05:00

My 60 Minutes plug of the week. Enjoy.

Andy's Solution to Overpopulation

Speaking of people I wish were President...

2006-07-07T20:52:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Meg and Jonathan for pointing this little snippet out to me. I used to be quite the SNL junkie but then I got a job and got old and could no longer stay up late. :( Thus, this somehow slipped beneath my radar, which is totally why I keep around my awesome friends, to keep me in the know! Al Gore? Also the man. Have you still not seen An Inconvenient Truth? Dude, what the hell are you waiting for? :)

www.climatecrisis.net

Barack Obama: My Favorite Politician (aka Deep Thoughts for Wednesday)

2006-07-04T20:18:00.000-05:00

For those of you unfamiliar, Barack Obama is a Democratic Senator from Illinois who has single-handedly renewed the hopes of many regarding the democratic process. I wish he was our President. He gave a speech the other day and said (as usual) some really good stuff. I thought I would share:

"Democracy demands that the religiously motivated translate their concernes into universal, rather than religion-specific values. It requires that their proposals be subject to argument, and amenable to reason," Obama said on Wednesday in a talk to the Call to Renewal group. Government action must be "accessible to people of all faiths, including those with no faith at all.

"Now this is going to be difficult for some who believe in the inerrancy" of sacred scipture. "But in a pluralistic democracy, we have no choice. Politics depends on our ability to persuade each other of common aims based on a common reality... At some fundamental level, religion does not allow for compromise. It's the art of the impossible. If God has spoken, then followers are expected to live up to God's edicts, regardless of the consequences. To base one's life on such uncompromising commitments may be sublime; to base our policymaking on such commitments would be a dangerous thing."

Summary: Barack is the man!

Hoagland, Jim. "The growing clash of true believers." The Commercial Appeal. July 2, 2oo6.

WTF Moments in Local Editorials!

2006-07-02T12:09:00.000-05:00

While nothing can quite compare to the first WTF moment, I thought this one was pretty good, too. For those of you unfamiliar with The Boondocks, it's basically the best comic strip in the history of the funnies. Sometimes I don't "get it" because I'm about as white as a person can get, but aside from offering shrewd commentary on African American culture, creator Aaron McGruder also has some pretty sharp criticism for the current inept administration, as well as American politics in general. Perhaps just as importantly, he is my friend on MySpace.

But our friend Doug here apparently does not feel the same way about Aaron as I do, and loses major cool points for using the word "gansta" and then putting it in quotation marks (I'm thinking Doug might be white, what do you think?). He also loses points for casually knocking my primary sources of news, like "The Daily Show" (third paragraph) and pretty much knocks himself into the negative column for not being able to express himself in a way that makes any sense whatsoever. What is with that last sentence? Did he think that was a good closing argument? Dude. I can't even Blacklist you because I feel so sorry for you and your inability to make yourself look smart.

UPDATE: The Day Gets Weirder

2006-06-30T14:56:00.000-05:00

Fun photos from the AP:The whole clan, looking so natural together.

The records room, where I can truthfully say that only Koizumi is showing the proper level of enthusiasm.

Koizumi breaks into song in the Jungle Room. I imagine the awkwardness in the room was unbearable.

And last, but certainly not least, the Elvis statue in Tokyo erected by the Tokyo Elvis Fan Club of which (wait for it, wait for it...) Koizumi is senior advisor. Oh yes, baby. Oh. Yes. Now THAT is devotion.

Second Sign of the Apocalypse: Bush Comes to Visit Me!

2006-06-30T07:39:00.000-05:00

It's been so long since the first sign of the apocalypse I was starting to wonder if we hadn't avoided disaster. However, my doubts were allayed when I learned that today, President George W. Bush and Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi of Japan are coming to Graceland. Not only that, they're meeting Lisa Marie and Priscilla there. So, to recap, mere minutes from now, W, the Prime Minister of Japan, and the Presley girls are going to be hanging out at Graceland while I am practically within shouting distance (hmmm, what shall I shout?). Apparently the Prime Minister is a fan of the King. I'm not sure what it is with the Japanese and Elvis, but there seems to be a special connection.

Oh, but that's not all. No, before leaving my dear city, they will be having a bar-b-que feast at The Rendevous, which is a world famous bar-b-que joint downtown that has no business being world famous. (Their sauce really isn't up to par.) If you're ever in town, ask me, and I'll point you in the direction of some real Memphis food. Apparently, Bushie didn't think it was necessary to ask for my advice on the matter although in general, if he was taken to asking me for advice, he probably wouldn't be doing such a crappy job governing our country.

Dad Weighs In

2006-06-29T09:44:00.000-05:00

Apparently it's family week here at The O.P. :) After seeing An Inconvenient Truth, my Dad, a long-time envirnomentalist, was moved to write six of our local and state representatives. I thought his letter was well-written, incredibly informative, persuasive, and overall a better product than that which I could have produced. I offer up a draft version here. I realize that it is long and that it's your choice to read it...but we are talking about the survival of our species here, and I strongly believe that it is our responsibility as members of the human race to inform ourselves of the issues surrounding global climate change and to take action whenever possible. I thought this letter should be available for more than just a few Tennessee senators to read.

Dear Representative:

I write this as a scientist (plant taxonomy and plant ecology) who is greatly concerned about one of the eminent threats facing us as a species (and most of the other species co-inhabiting the Earth) - global warming. It is time to look past all of the political maneuvering that has taken place pertaining to this problem. This is unquestionably not a problem that should be held hostage by politics. This is a problem which is clearly understood and conclusively and unanimously supported by all scientists who have knowledge of global warming (e.g., Stephen Hawking)[1], its causes and effects. It is not something that will not go away if we decide to ignore it. The data strongly support its existence and its predicable devastating effects. There is no longer a question about the validity of global warming. It is a fact.

Essentially the entire scientific community associated with this subject has determined that significant, catastrophic things will happen (enormous global devastation, including major, destructive climatological change) if global warming is not addressed without delay. A few of the more obvious consequences include: floods; droughts and associated fires; larger, more devastating, and more numerous storms; and coastal immersion throughout the world that is expected to displace up to 100 million people in these areas. Less obvious ramifications are: increase of strife and warfare due to hunger caused by desertification of certain parts of the world; decline of species population and possible extinction; altering of forests, crop yields, and water supplies.

The U.S. and Australia are the only two large countries in the world that have not signed the Kyoto Protocol to reduce greenhouse gases. As an American, I am deeply ashamed of this fact. It shows either a clear ignorance, or a total lack of responsibility to the American people by those who made the decision not to participate. Neither is tolerable. If proper steps are not taken soon, my generation may not live to see the worst of the disaster that is sure to result, but my children certainly will. This is most certainly not acceptable; things can change; things must change!

If you are not currently well-informed about the subject, for the sake of your constituents, I implore you to become better educated about global warming. (This does not mean reading press releases which have been digested by biased writers (which, unfortunately, at this time seem to be overabundant.)) I think that Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth is a good starting point (and a vehicle to consolidate the issue). This movie is the best data-based information provider on the subject currently available, but has limitations in that it is only about an hour and one-half long. Much more can be gleaned from science-based periodicals and other (science-based) sources. If nothing else, please spend a few minutes of your time listening to a “Fresh Air” (with Terry Gross) interview with Tim Flannery, an Australian paleontologist, at NPR.org [2].

Things that can be done to halt and reverse global warming include: promulgating a carbon tax; supporting the Fuel Economy Amendment; promoting and/or pouring support into the development of alternative energy sources (see Apollo Alliance[3]) to begin quickly moving from using fossil fuels to using renewable fuels such as ethanol, wind, solar and geothermal; instituting tax incentives for citizens who demonstrate switches to “green” energy products (everything from purchasing hybrid cars, to building homes to a high standard of energy efficiency, to advocating the use of geothermal heating and cooling in residential and commercial construction, to the use of compact fluorescent light bulbs, to support for recycling); and promoting and/or supporting the purchase of energy-efficient vehicle fleets used by pubic agencies; ...anything and everything that would help reduce our country’s drastically high consumption of fossil fuels with its concomitant release of greenhouse gases into the earth’s atmosphere. Solving the global warming problem will also move this country toward energy independence, something we should have been working towards for many years.

This is not “rocket science”; it is only taking the control of these matters from those few who stand to gain (short-term) from leaving things status quo and giving that control to the vast majority of Americans (your constituency base) who would greatly benefit from such a shift and who unquestionably want this to happen. To continue along our current path is immoral and obscene. The massive use of energy and it associated tremendous pollution is already easily recognized as the basis for much of the friction between the U.S. and many other parts of the world. As stated above, reversing global warming would strongly move us towards energy independence, which would, obviously, dramatically help lessen tensions between the United States and much of the rest of the world.

Please do what is the morally right thing to do; put global warming on the top of your priority list and begin pushing for the steps that will bring about its alleviation before it’s too late. Thank you so much for your attention. If there is anything that I can do from this end, do not hesitate to contact me.

Sincerely,

Thomas E. Heineke, PhD

[1]Union of Concerned Scientists; U.S. Environmental Protection Agency; Natural Resources Defense Council; read: Tim Flannery - The Weather Makers: How Man is Changing the Climate and What it Means for Life on Earth (at least listen to the NPR interview alluded to in the body of the letter)

[2]Mar‑22‑2006, Fresh Air from WHYY: 'Weather Makers Seeks to End Climate Debate.

[3]http://www.apolloalliance.org/

My Great Uncle Bill invented Chevy's cruise control!

2006-06-28T08:53:00.000-05:00

For real! I found this out over the weekend. The standard cruise-control-on-turn-signal design was a product of my kin. Uncle Bill worked for a design company so he didn't get the riches he undoubtedly deserved, but his name is on the patent for all of history to see. I find this to be highly impressive.

Perhaps even more impressive is that my great uncle doesn't have any sort of formal licensing or even a college degree. He was apprenticed to an engineer and learned all he needed to know in the field, so to speak. Which brings us to our overpopulation connection:

The days when you could succeed in life by taking the path of Uncle Bill are over. In an age when you can get a degree in turf management (!), you must know what you want to do early and you must go to school for it. Because if you don't, someone else will. I'm sad to live in a time when you can't just apprentice yourself out anymore. If Chevy was to look at a young Uncle Bill's resume today, they most likely wouldn't accept him. The result? Their cruise control design would be as lame as that on my Dodge Neon.

Into each generation...

2006-06-27T13:29:00.001-05:00

Wow, that post from yesterday was terrible. Keep that graph in mind, though, because you'll see it again. I'll write something witty and engaging and show a chart you can actually read and then you'll be pondering. Mark my words! I'll also probably go back and delete the first graph when no one is looking. Shhhh. Don't tell.

So today I'm going to complain about something a little more low-key but no less alarming. You may recall that several years ago, a cheesy vampire movie hit theaters to mediocre reviews. Rather than letting the concept die, the premise was remolded to fit television and a series was born. No, I'm not talking about Buffy! I'm talking about Blade. (Don't worry; you haven't missed it. It premiers tomorrow.)

Check out non-Wesley-Snipes looking a lot like Wesley Snipes. Why is this alarming, you may ask? Because we've done this before. Because it says something about our television habits if Spike-TV can afford to produce a slick vampire production. Because I don't care that "Blade" was originally conceived for TV. Because Blade was a freaking trilogy in movie-form!

Fifty years ago, America had three television networks. A few billion people later and look where we are. We don't need "Blade: The Series." Or maybe I'm just bitter that "Buffy" is no longer on that air. Now THAT was television!

For those looking for a bit more substance, AOL reports on Bush's supposed abuse of power. And it only took them 6 years to get the story. That's what's called "ace reporting."

Aaaaaaannnnd, I'm back!

2006-06-26T14:56:00.000-05:00

And I'm ready to talk about overpopulation! Tomorrow. Today I'm just going to put up this graph with the simple instruction: ponder.

Ponder.

I'm sorry this graph looks like crap. In fact, it's so bad, I won't even mind if you don't actually ponder. I'll find a better one; I'm just sort of lacking in enthusiasm today.

Oh my God, is it Wednesday already?!

2006-06-21T14:41:00.000-05:00

Wednesday afternoon, no less. Your crazy statistic of the week: the average corporate grunt sends 133 e-mails a day. I probably communicate with people electronically 133 times a day, but I'm including this blogosphere, MySpace, Facebook, and the Jake Watch Message Board in that count. I send maybe 5 - 10 actual e-mails a day. I send maybe 2 - 3 actual work-related e-mails a week. I realize I'm not but an unimportant cog in the wheel, but what the hell are all these other people writing back and forth so damn much about? Ever heard of a phone?

As a nation, America sends 100 billion pieces of mail through the U.S. Postal Service a year. We send more than 100 billion e-mails a day.

(I'm sorry there's no picture to go with this. I have a headache and didn't really feel like finding something. I'm nothing if not honest.)

Source: NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams, June 20, 2006

And sometimes this stuff just writes itself...

2006-06-20T07:51:00.000-05:00

This little gem came from the Sunday paper.

(That red circle seemed like a good idea in the sleep-deprived state I was in while scanning this, but in hindsight, you guys are probably smart enough to know what I was going for without my clunky digital circling. I apologize.)

In one fell swoop, we see there are:
- too many entomologists,
- too many right-wing conservatives,
- too many right-wing conservative entomologists (what the hell?),
- too much politics in science.

In other words, this is possibly the dumbest thing I have ever heard of.

And that might be the creepiest illustration in the history of newspapers.

Did I mention Nick Lachey has a hit single?

2006-06-19T15:54:00.000-05:00

Oh, that's right. I did. Two months ago. And it's still getting airplay. What is with the Radio Gods not listening to me? I realize that there are enough people out there that anything that's recorded will find an audience, but there's a line. And Nick's crossed it. "Take what's left of this man/Make me whole once again..." I don't care how many whiny teenaged girls are out there, why would anyone listen to this? WHY?!

AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH

2006-06-18T09:55:00.000-05:00

See this movie. No excuses.

The reviews you've heard/read most likely have told you that this film is depressing and no time is spent explaining how to reverse or at least halt the devastating effects of global warming.

That's not true.

We have to realize that, in America at least, we are bombarded by information from a conservative media that claims to work under a liberal agenda. Very little of the information in this movie was new to me personally; the information is out there, but it's not presented to the general public in the readily accessible form that it should be.

Take, for instance, the check-out boy at Best Buy who, upon hearing that we had just been to see this movie, told my mother and I, "See, global warming is a joke because the temperature has been going up since the last Ice Age."

Do not be this boy. Do not be the person who says something stupid under the impression that you know what you're talking about. You are perfectly able to educate yourself and not be the subject of ridicule in your place of employment. Al's making it easy for you...all you have to do is go to the movies.

Like he so clearly states throughout the film, this is not a question of whether we have to compromise economics for our environment. This is a question of whether or not civilization is going to survive the inevitable effects of human activity should no changes be made. And we're talking BIG changes, people.

So see this movie. The least you can do for yourself is be informed.

Hey, I swing to the left! Who knew?!

2006-06-16T17:29:00.000-05:00

I would like to thank my friend Kathryn for posting this most interesting political survey on her blog. If you're interested in seeing where your personal beliefs lie in comparison to major political leaders, this is a fairly quick and seemingly accurate way to do it. The (many) questions require some actual thought, so it must be worth something. I am apparently slightly more liberal than Nelson Mandela and The Dalai Lama. And that's exactly where I want to be.

I realize this is pretty intense considering it's Friday afternoon and all, so if you want to put this off until Monday, I understand.

My beer last night cost $9...and I'm blaming overpopulation!!

2006-06-15T09:35:00.000-05:00

What I thought I was ordering was the Belhaven draught, which would have set me back half as much. Instead, I flippantly requested the bottled version and nearly had a coronary when I was told the price. But the cap had been popped...the beer was mine.

To answer your question, it was very good, but no beer is $9 good.

It's either a truism of anthropology or something I made up, but it seems that all cultures across the globe have two things in common: some form of religion and some form of alcoholic beverage. But we no longer live in a time when we get buzzed from chewed-up corn spit fermented over several months. No, we live in an age of breweries and special brews and seasonal draughts and menus with drink descriptions paragraphs long.

Overpopulation means that everything gets complicated. No matter what the niche, it's filled to the brim (no pun...ha ha!) with variation. There wouldn't be $9 beers if there wasn't a demand for them, and there wouldn't be a demand for them if there weren't so many beer nerds out there. Whatever happened to normal beer?! No wonder everyone in this country is up to their eyeballs in debt.

Now that I have gotten that out of my system, I will try to move on. It's going to be a long day, though, because now I can't afford lunch. Sigh.

P.S. Bush was a jackass yesterday! That always gives me a happy! :)

This Week in Crazy Statistics...

2006-06-14T08:14:00.000-05:00

Since the Industrial Revolution, the amount of carbon dioxide in the air has increased by 40%.

Short and to the point. Actually, I don't have time to elaborate because there's a scheduled outage coming up. But really, what more do I need to say?

Hey, is that a young girl I see slaving away in this textile factory scene? How disturbing is it that children were forced to do much of the labor which would eventually ruin our air quality? I seem to be having very deep thoughts today...

Hobbits of the Non-Elijah-Wood Variety

2006-06-13T09:53:00.000-05:00

Roughly a year ago, I was reading National Geographic (yes, I read National Geographic; all the cool kids are doing it, so shut up) when I got caught up in the cover story about a newly-discovered species of human so small they had been nicknamed "hobbits" by their Australian discoverers. These tiny people lived on the islands of Indonesia and their bones were a mere 18,000 years old, fresh in geological terms. While other failed attempts at the Homo genus were known to have coexisted with Homo sapiens earlier in history, this was not only fairly recent, it also shocked science by seeming to prove that the old rule of large animals on islands evolving into smaller forms was true even at the top of the evolutionary ladder.

So, why am I bringing this up now? Because there was totally a story about it on "60 Minutes" last Sunday! I'm telling you, that's my new (old) favorite show. Anyway, a crew went to Indonesia where the bones were found and tribal people told stories of their "grandparents" meeting up with tiny forest people (!). If this is not a tribal legend and instead an account of actual events, then holy shit! There could be tiny people living on Earth and we don't even know it! What does that mean for overpopulation?!

(Belated) Celebrity Spawn News: The Brangelina Baby

2006-06-12T08:31:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I know this kid's already 2 weeks old or something, but I just couldn't bring myself to report on the issue before now. I needed some time to let it sink in that my least favorite Hollywood couple had not only successfully reproduced, but that I couldn't even legitimately Blacklist them. After all, Angelina pretty much started the whole celebrity trend of collecting children from third-world nations, and since we currently do not have a higher ratio of non-adopted to adopted Jolie-Pitt children, I must begrudingly give them snaps for helping our cause here.

However, we can still be annoyed with this family because Baby "Why the hell do I know your name?" Shiloh probably just racked up more money in her first photo shoot than I will see in my lifetime (yeah, I know the money went to charity; it's the principle of the thing). And please stop referring to her as The Most Beautiful Baby In The World. Take a good look at Brad and Angelina. The wrong combination of genes from those two could curse a kid for life. My urgent plea to the world right now is to please stop caring so much about seeing this baby. In the eyes of God, she's just another one somewhere in mid-6-billions.

And suddenly I'm disgusted, with the situation and myself for thinking about it. Perhaps I'll play a game to take my mind off things.

Holy Mother of God! A Complete Overhaul!!

2006-06-11T12:14:00.000-05:00

I think it's quite obvious to anyone who has visited this page in the past that I am completely and totally nuts. Take, for instance, this weekend, in which, feeling a little under the weather, I spent my time not resting in bed, but reformatting this blog. And not that you care, but due to my compulsive need to elaborately explain my rationale, I present to you this neat and enumerated list (and will be in no way offended if your current thoughts are along the lines of, 'Prophecy, shut the hell up,' and don't read this, but instead peruse my increasingly professional-looking template):

1. I based the last design entirely on this one O.C. wallpaper offered up by the fine people at E4.
I mean, that's fine for you people who live in a world where shows don't always start on the hour and your commercial breaks are short and oddly distributed, but for me? Aw, hell no. I don't watch The O.C. on E4! Thus, perhaps this was not the best source to work from.

2. I was digging through my CD collection (hey, CDs! remember those?) and ran across The O.C.: Mix 1. Yeah, that's right. I own it and am proud to admit it. You should go buy it. It's some good stuff. Also, the front and back cover will forever look very familiar to you:
Damn! I continue to amaze myself with my ability to rip-off the hard-working graphics staff who pull off this show. People probably think I'm obsessed with The O.C., but in reality, it's just that their design staff is top notch. This blog would look way weird if I utilized a Buffy theme. Plus, I like to think the whole "O.P." "O.C." thing was a stroke of genius. If you don't agree, you should probably know I don't take criticism well.

3. I'm political. I can't help it and apparently there's no way around it. I started this blog with every intention of it being a tongue-in-cheek look at the (mostly) disasterous world of pop culture. But I like statistics and ranting too much and Lord knows I'm a sucker for context reflecting content. Check out how I used a paper sack as the backdrop. That is so topical.

4. So, yeah. Basically everything will continue as usual with no big changes except now you have more liberal propaganda links to click through and there are two sidebars. I must now retire to my bed where hopefully I will recover by tomorrow, for I have some things to say about that Brangelina baby.

Competitive Eating!

2006-06-08T07:51:00.000-05:00

I'm sure we've all heard of those tiny Asian dudes who win all the hot dog eating competitions the planet has to offer...but competitive eating has gotten, dare I say it, out of control. Case in point: The International Federation of Competitive Eating. I'm stunned. Silenced, even. How can you even process an entry such as this?

"Baked Beans, Long Course
8.4 Pounds Baked Beans/ 84 Lumber
2 minutes 47 seconds/ Aug. 7, 2004
Sonya Thomas"

What is this? "Long Course?" What the hell does that even mean? Why are there so many people able to eat ungodly amounts of food in very little time? Why does this warrant an international federation? What's with the mayonnaise competition? Now there are condiment competitions? Wait, you can buy books on this? There's a STORE for the International Federation of Competitive Eating?! I'm confused, disoriented, and perhaps a bit nauseated. I need to go lie down.

Let's Talk About Math!

2006-06-07T07:42:00.000-05:00

Or as our English-speaking European friends like to call it, maths. Math(s) is not a strength for me, although I know several people who are uncommonly gifted in the area and would never disparage their knowledge just because I am not as talented as they. Once, I was watching a Nova on string theory hosted by Alan Alda, who offered up this brilliant analogy, "No matter how hard you try, you can't teach a dog physics." So true, Alan. Likewise, no matter how hard you try, you're not going to teach me theoretical mathematics.

This week, when I randomly opened up my trusty science almanac, I ran across the following in the section entitled, Record Holders: Mathematics.

Largest proper subset of real numbers: Transcendental numbers such as pi and e outnumber all other types of real numbers (such as natural numbers, signed numbers, or irrational numbers). Transcendental numbers are numbers that are not the solution to any algebraic equation.*

All I'm saying, is that back in the day, the Romans conquered most of the known world and they didn't even know about zeros. Think about it.

* Discover Science Almanac. Ed. The Editors of Discover Magazine. 2004. p. 734

Things You Did Not Need To Know About Florida.

2006-06-05T09:25:00.000-05:00

I should probably just reserve Monday posts for things that I learn on 60 Minutes the night before. Eh, but who wants structure when you can have lack of structure? Also, I should be writing about how there are clearly too many people who want to open accounts before my boss leaves for China for 10 days, thus delegating my blogging to roughly 12 hours past its usual time. But I'm not going to talk about that because it makes me sad that I'm not going to China. I really am very childish.

Back to 60 Minutes...last night, for instance, interviewee/author Carl Hiaasen told me much about the state of Florida. While I had previously not heard of this fellow, one 15 minute segment had me firmly resolved to read everything he has ever written. Things I learned:

1. 1,000 people move to Florida every day.

2. 450 acres are paved over in Florida every day.

3. Courts in Florida ruled that there was no constitutional basis for people to have sex with endangered reptiles. Apparently the state attracted (among various slimy politicians and OJ Simpson) a man who loved alligators a little too much. What I want to know is how this could have possibly come to light and how uncomfortable this case must have been for the defense lawyer.

Proof positive, then, that there are too many people in Florida. You don't get sexual depravity of that nature in lightly-populated areas. Or if you do, it doesn't go to court.

P.S. Internet Explorer users may notice that there is an overlapping text/picture thing going on towards the bottom of the sidebar. Firefox people will see nothing but beautiful spacing. I wasted an hour of my life trying to please both browsers and you know what, IE can go to hell. All I wanted was for Jane Asher, er, Prophecy Girl to look disapprovingly down the blacklisted and if stupid Microsoft can't play by the rules, then I'm sticking to my Firefox. Hear that, Gates? Screw your stupid little browser without tabs!

WTF Moments in Parade Magazine!

2006-06-04T17:49:00.000-05:00

For any who aren't acquainted with this staple of American Sunday newspapers, Parade magazine is this cheesy half-mag that gets delivered with your paper once a week. Sometimes it has some interesting stuff, but it's also home to some not-so interesting stuff, such as the absolutely terrible cartoon "Howard Huge" about an enormous dog who occasionally, but not always, displays human-like characteristics.

This morning I was disgusted (as I frequently am) by a blurb which I have handily scanned and placed above. What the hell, America?! So, I paid money to Ireland? For a toilet convention?! Why are there toilet conventions? I think this convention thing has just gotten WAY out of control. No offense to Ireland (my homeland for all of five months), but obviously America has more money than sense and there are far too many people involved in the bathroom installation business. I just have this sinking suspicion none of this would be an issue if we were a less populous planet.

Air Guitar: Not Just For Bill & Ted Anymore...

2006-06-01T07:35:00.000-05:00

Truth be told, the first time I heard of an air guitar championship was a few years ago. But I chose to ignore this phenomenon until this morning, at which point I ran across this website which I find to be unnerving on the highest of levels. Doubters, do you think it's possible, just possible, that there are too many people on earth if something as ridiculous as air guitar has a world championship, much less a world championship that we goofballs in the U.S. actually didn't win one year?! And if you don't find this disturbing, I guarantee this will push you over the edge.

Shout out to you Bill & Ted fans out there: "Bill, strange things are afoot at the Circle K." Those movies really are most excellent.

UPDATE! No shit, not two seconds ago when I was checking my e-mail the top story at www.yahoo.com was the National Air Guitar Championship. I don't know if it'll remain the top story, but I was too lazy to figure out how to link directly to the story. Also, I doubt anyone really wants to read it/see it (oh, there is video involved!) because the concensus seems to be all air guitar players should die. Harsh, yes, but such is the will of the people.

BREAKING! California Appears to be Overpopulated!

2006-05-31T07:55:00.000-05:00

What? I told you this wasn't a working vacation.

Oh, what the hell, let's go ahead and Blacklist the Santa Monica Pier for attracting every person in the greater Los Angeles area on Memorial Day. These throngs unfortunately seem to be the primary carriers of the skinny jeans epidemic, so please, hide your children.

California here we come (no, for real this time)!

2006-05-25T07:57:00.000-05:00

For anyone who doesn't know (not many, seeing as how I can't seem to shut up about it), I'm off to Los Angeles for the long weekend. I'm quite excited, although the downside is that this will be the last update for roughly a week. Tragic, I know. Whilst walking the beach and hobnobbing with celebs, it's unlikely I will be thinking of the world's many, many problems or, perhaps more importantly, have a computer with me so I can tell you about them. I'm on vacation, dude. I could care less.

I'm guessing I'll have lots of ideas when I come back, though. Like how in California, they have a store devoted exclusively to cupcakes. Even if Jake Gyllenhaal does shop there, it's still undeniable proof of an overabundance of niches in the marketing sector and probably shouldn't exist.

But today in population complaints, I target...standardized test tutors. Seriously, what the hell? We have so many people taking these stupid things that tons of people get good scores. So many, in fact, that we have created an entire industry to specifically train our children to do well on them. God forbid we rely solely on grades, extracurricular activities, and personal recommendations to accept students into college. I'm still bitter that my school based scholarship awards on the lowest common denominator. In my case, that was my damned ACT score, and I didn't have a tutor. However, I graduated two years ago so maybe I should get over it.

Also, is that population counter on the sidebar freaking you out, yet? I can safely say I've hit the freak-out point. Jesus.

This week in crazy...cubicles!

2006-05-24T07:52:00.000-05:00

So, it's hump day, and I should be spouting off important-sounding statistics but, erm, I sort of forgot to bring my almanac with me this morning. I had some really great numbers on the history and future of the universe, too, that were going to make you all feel really insignificant. Oh, I can hear the groans of disappointment from here! Next week, my friends! Quickly, let's switch subjects and talk about cubicles.

Obviously, we have reached that point in our growth as a species in which there are no longer enough individual offices to hold us all. In response, man created the cubicle, a separation device which gives the appearance of privacy but somehow manages to deindividualize its occupant. Think of a corporate headquarters as an ant colony. You have a queen ant/boss in upper management who has a birthing chamber/corner office from which all relevant decisions are made. The rest of the drones/employees really don't have a say and live out their lives mindlessly doing whatever tasks have been assigned to them. I don't work in such an office, but if I did, I'm fairly certain I wouldn't like it. Ants are designed by nature to function in such a capacity. Humans, not so much.

And for some reason all this just makes me think of Derek Zoolander, "What is this? A school for ANTS?!" Ha ha. That was great.

Speaking of phones...

2006-05-23T07:39:00.000-05:00

When I got in the car this morning, the 29-second cell phone issue was still raging on the radio, complete with a local communications commissioner doing a very pathetic job of defending his actions. In fact, he was taking such a beating I was actually having a difficult time listening, so I cranked out the Jay-Z and Linkin Park until I got to work. I briefly turned back to the radio as I pulled in the parking lot and...yeah, I think maybe that whole thing was a hoax. If so, it wasn't very funny and it made a lot of people (me included) mad. I didn't have time to listen and confirm this, but good Lord. That's, like, the worst prank ever.

So...anyway, let's look at some phone facts I know to be true, because I got them out of Newsweek. So, America, did you know that you made 500 billion calls last year? On landlines alone? (God knows how many you made on you cell phones.) Those 500 billion calls amounted to 2 trillion minutes on the phone. The form of measurement known as "trillion" is very difficult for me to comprehend, as is the fact that the people in this country alone could rack up that many minutes. Sounds like too many people on the phone.

(Slightly) Off-Topic: Big Brother is Listening...

2006-05-22T07:40:00.000-05:00

While I could easily blame the following complaint on the overabundance of people who can't drive and talk at the same time, as well as the number of people employed by the government's various communications departments, I'm not going to focus on that. No, friends, I'm going to focus on my bewilderment as I learned, driving to work this morning, that Memphis is a test city for a new system of trying to make people stop having horrible car crashes because they are talking on their cell phones. Today, in Memphis, if you are going 55 mph or faster and are talking on a cell phone, your call will be cut off after 29 seconds.

First of all, what's with the 29 seconds?

Secondly, it is clear to me that this is going to cause more problems than ever during the initial phases, as people not going to know why their calls are cutting off and in response will take their eyes off the road to try to figure out what the hell is wrong with their phone.

Thirdly, am I the only one who thinks it's creepy that the government is telling me how long my calls can be?

Fourthly, what's with this lame public safety announcement on the U.S. Census Bureau's website?

Fifthly, what if I was being chased by people trying to murder me and I was on the phone with the police?

Sixthly, why not just make cell phone usage in cars illegal? Inconvenient, yes, but it's a plan that actually makes sense, no? I'd comply.

And seventhly, is it wrong that I'm more concerned with the EIGHTY-FOUR members of Congress who were pulled over on suspicions of drunk driving in ONE YEAR (1998...I can't find any more recent numbers) than I am about this cell phone issue? Come on!

California, here we come!

2006-05-18T19:57:00.000-05:00

The hard-working author who brings you The Overpopulation Blog five to seven times a week (not to be confused with Marissa Cooper, may she R.I.P.) was thinking recently about this site. "Self," I thought, "the content of this blog is pretty much the best I've ever seen, but I'm not seeing this same standard of excellence graphically." After much pondering, I was struck by inspiration: Why not revamp the site using a legally-questionable thematic rip-off of the popular primetime soap, "The O.C.?" Perfect!

Using only my own brilliance and Photoshop, I was able to achieve my goal. I scrapped together some old "O.C." promotional material and prayed to God I was not in copyright violation. I doubted this would be a problem, though, since the only people who come to this site are my dad, a couple of my close friends, and people from Jake Watch who get lost.

Why "The O.C.?" Because it's phonetically similar to "The O.P." And what do I think about when I hear the word "overpopulation?" China? India? Africa? Of course not. I'm an American. I rarely think outside my country's borders. Overpopulation = California. Here we come.

Off Topic: Poor Paul!

2006-05-18T08:22:00.000-05:00

I felt I should take a day off for Paul McCartney, whom I consider to be a member of my extended family, because when he hurts, I hurt. Paul, I'm sorry that your marriage to Heather Mills has ended. I personally think you may have jumped into a serious relationship a little too soon after Linda's death; you were so upset and maybe you didn't give yourself time to heal. Also, you probably should not have hooked up with someone who hadn't listened to Beatles music, like, EVER. That's not actually normal. But I'm with you 100% however this goes. Despite your inhuman success, you've had a bit of a tragic life, and I hate to see you down. :( And while we're chatting, would it kill you to hit Memphis on your next World Tour? You know how old I was last time you were here? Eleven, dude. Eleven. Love ya, Paul!

Ya'll gonna make me act the fool!

2006-05-16T19:12:00.000-05:00

I just used that title to get your attention. In reality, it's time for...

This Week in Crazy Statistics!

Yes, it's Wednesday, so it's time for me to pull out the old science almanac and make you feel really guilty about being part of the world's most destructive species.

I know you don't want to hear about it. You want more on prepackaged foods and celebrity babies. Well, consider this your weekly serving of vegetables. It's good for you, dammit.

Today's Topic: Mass Extinctions

Maybe you don't know about the cataclysmic mass extinctions that have defined biological history because your local school district, resources stretched to the max by a perenially-increasing student body, no longer requires x-number of science classes to be taken by all students. But that's where I come in, fool. The least you need to know:

Let's start with some numbers...
1. Estimated number of species on earth identified by science: 1.8 million
2. Estimated total species on earth: between 10 and 100 million
3. Number of known endangered/threatened species: 11,046
4. Number of species removed from endangered list in U.S. since 1978 (as of 2002): 25

So yeah, biodiversity? At its greatest point in ecological history...the downside being we're making sure to put an end to that. Across the eons of time, there have been roughly 6 mass extinctions in which huge percentages of species were wiped out, leading the way for those that survived to evolve and fill new niches. The last time this happened was 65 million years ago when that gi-normous meteorite wiped out the dinosaurs and about 50% of all species on earth. We're in the beginning stages of a mass extinction now, and it's our fault. Somehow "too many homo sapiens" doesn't have the same ring as "devastating impact of a large outer space object that blotted out the sun for two years."

Here's something for you: the oldest known fossilized vomit comes from a long-gone icthyosaur who dwelled in the sea and apparently ate some shellfish that didn't agree with him. That was about 160 million years ago. We didn't even have mammals back then, but his vomit survives. Am I the only one who finds this fascinating?!

Your Local News Coverage = Stupid

2006-05-16T09:16:00.000-05:00

Local news is important. Obviously there are far too many stories of interest each day for Brian Williams to cover all of them in his neat half-hour broadcast. But the number of local reporters has swollen in recent years and, I'm sad to say, this has resulted in backstabbing competition between anchormen. There's nothing wrong with a little local competition, but things are getting out of hand. Instead of getting better news, we're getting whatever crap executives think will pull in the most viewers. Here in Memphis, the unsuspecting public is subjected to endless updates on the alligators spotted in a local lake and how they may or may not kill everyone who comes near the water. Why is there a news team that has the time and effort to report on something like this? Because there are too many news teams. Dear, dear, dear.

(By the way, the reporter whose picture I have used to illustrate this point does not fall into the typical local-news-category. I love her. Just, FYI.)

Individually Wrapped Pre-Cooked Rice Krispies Treats

2006-05-15T08:10:00.000-05:00

Look. I know they're good. I know they're convenient. I know no one has time to make their own Rice Krispies Treats anymore... But don't you think it's a sad statement on the world we live in that even our traditional homemade delicacies are prepackaged nowadays? And what? We're using them as fundraiser material? Snap, Crackle, and Pop deserve better than that, people. Sounds like we may have a few too many food factories lying about...

EXCLUSIVE! Infant Television Network Confirmed First Sign of the Apocalypse!

2006-05-12T08:04:00.000-05:00

Yes, humble reader, it is true. The end is nigh. Forget cats giving birth to litters of snakes; much worse was the news the O.P. received yesterday. Through the crafty handiwork of Satan, a new television network has emerged, designed to corrupt the only demographic still thought to be pure of mind and spirit: the 3 and under crowd. Never mind that there is now conclusive proof that television can be blamed for those kids in your first grade class who can't sit still and fail their math tests. Or that doctors recommend no television for children under 2 (encompassing 2/3 of this network's target demographic).

No, in this overpopulated day and age, the only thing that matters is that every hopeful network executive get a chance to fulfill his dream, even if it means destroying developing brains. Any future children of mine are going to enter kindergarden maladjusted and come home with a severe inferiority complex because their mother won't let them watch anything but old episodes of "Mr. Roger's" and "Sesame Street" that she bought off eBay. But I don't care. The alternative is just too horrible to imagine. Now let us pray...

The Canadians Are Coming!

2006-05-11T08:10:00.000-05:00

So, last night I was watching "The Daily Show" (my most trusted source of news...no, really) and saw a report filed by ace investigator Jason Jones. Forget the problems of illegal Mexican immigration into the United States, there are people who are actually concerned about the Canadians. As in, they sit on the U.S./Canadian border and watch for illegals to come across. As in, what the hell? As in, the throngs of non-clear-thinking individuals (particularly in America) has obviously sky-rocketed to unmanageable numbers. Why, Human Population? Why?

This Week in Crazy Statistics...

2006-05-10T07:54:00.000-05:00

Last week on my lunch break, I ran across a science almanac at a book store which I could not pass up because it was cheap and I'm a nerd. So I thought, hey, why not use my hump day blog entries on fun science facts! Yes! I can only imagine your inability to contain your excitement. This way, every Wednesday I will be able to distract you from the sad fact that you still have two full days of work until the weekend by introducing you to facts and figures so alarming you won't be able to think of anything else. I know, I'm too good to you guys!

This week in pollution...12 million people die every year from "poor sanitation and unclean water." 12 million! That's the country of Belgium. Or the combined populations of the United States' twelve least populated states. Good God. As if that wasn't enough, 3 million more die from air pollution. That's more than the population of Paris. Now, don't you feel enlightened? I'll be you can't wait until next week! :)

Oh, for the love of God!

2006-05-09T08:11:00.000-05:00

I heard on the radio yesterday that the Lifetime network has begun pre-production on a made-for-TV movie on the life and times of Fantasia, that third season Idol winner who had one hit that was so non-memorable I can't even think of what it is right now. I might as well call this The Stupid Entertainment Projects That Serve As Definitive Proof of Overpopulation Blog (but that's a bit cumbersome). When I think about how many people are going to get a paycheck from this undertaking, I get very sad.

Stop with the unnecessary sequels already!

2006-05-08T09:40:00.000-05:00

I realize that I just did an entry on an unnecessary sequel but come on!! GARFIELD 2?! I'm pretty sure you didn't see the first one. I'm pretty sure you don't even know anyone who saw the first one. I guess the newly created field of digital animation is already completely overpopulated, or else crap like this wouldn't be churned out to keep people happily employed. Seriously. I'm kind of disgusted.

Off Topic: The Beale Street Music Festival!

2006-05-05T08:12:00.000-05:00

Actually, I could probably blame the lack of bands I'm interested in seeing this year on the overwhelming number of bands festival organizers had to choose from (overpopulation), but I'm taking a break for the weekend. For the next three days, I am officially not interested in human population problems. Instead, I am going to be happily standing in the rain (sober, due to my duties as driver) with thousands of other people gleefully destroying the lawn in Tom Lee Park, and probably my shoes in the process. And I am psyched! Peace out, fools! Catch you on the flip side...

Oh, yes. And Happy Cinquo de Mayo!

Analysts!

2006-05-04T08:19:00.000-05:00

Who ARE these people? WHAT do they do? Why are there SO MANY of them? They are everywhere, telling us everything we never wanted to know about the driest material on the face of the planet. Oh, God. Maybe I'm one.

Voter Turnout: Not So Great!

2006-05-03T08:00:00.000-05:00

Just a contrived excuse to post a picture of Jake Gyllenhaal? Of course not! Yesterday was primary day here in M-town and, well, er, I did not vote. I'm a bad citizen. But it was because I forgot, which I consider to be more valid than the standard why-vote-when-it-doesn't-really-count excuse. Of course it counts (Democrats in Florida notwithstanding)! It just counts a tiny, tiny bit! This decrease in your personal influence can be blamed on the usual suspect (starts with "o," ends in "verpopulation"), but that doesn't mean you shouldn't vote! On the contrary, it would appear that the group responsible for the best voter turnout is the one who doesn't think about how little their opinion counts (i.e. conservatives; it's in their nature to overestimate their importance...I think that's a religious thing), and the thing is, they don't do a very good job of electing people. Jake agrees with me. Screw overpopulation. Let's hit the polls.

WTF Moments in Local Editorials!

2006-05-02T18:29:00.000-05:00

Prophecy Girl responds:

Dude. DUDE. First of all, I appreciate your newfound "interest" the subject matter of this "blog." I graciously "acknowledge" your "support" of my endeavors. Secondly, however, I have not actually read this "letter to the editor" of which you speak, but I'm fairly certain "no one" puts the word "overpopulation" in "quotes." Plus, um, you can't just pull a "totally random" example out of your "ass" and expect it to hold up as a "valid argument." What are these "numbers?" What is this about 4 people "living" in a room with 17 "empty" rooms between them? "WHAT?!" And why would we all "move to Texas?" You get our second ever "Blacklist Award" for your insane troll "logic," and for completely missing the "point" about "overpopulation" (it's less about "plots of land" for "people" to live on and more about the "resources" needed to "sustain" us all). Yeah. Just...no.

Skinny Jeans!

2006-05-02T07:41:00.000-05:00

Right about the time man stopped being nomadic, fashion was born. It was a profitable and creative business for roughly 10,000 years. But sometime around the year 2000, the sheer volume of designers across the planet resulted in the realization that every possible fashion statement had already been made. So the rehashing began. A mere 6 years later, all the good rehashing had been done and humans were forced to revisit ideas that were very bad to begin with. No one looks good in skinny jeans. NO ONE. Let's not support this new (old) trend.

The Fast and the Furious...3?!

2006-05-01T07:45:00.000-05:00

Now don't get me wrong; The Fast and the Furious was a good movie. But after the disaster that was 2 Fast 2 Furious (which was just dumb), I find it quite difficult to believe that anyone would greenlight a third installment of this franchise (this time sans Vin and Paul? what?). So there are that many people desperate to make movies? Be in movies? Sell movies to a lukewarm public? Yeah, we just do not need The Fast and the Furious 3 and wouldn't be dealing with it if there weren't a few too many people in the film industry

In other news, in a strange metatextual twist, this blog spawned over the weekend. Yes, when this sucker dies, true to patterns of exponential growth, there will be two more blogs ready to take its place. I realize it's possible I need some sort of serious medical help.

"Date My Mom!"

2006-04-30T10:49:00.000-05:00

I could have made this entry a blanket statement on MTV's host of reality shows, but I figured why waste future opportunities ("My Super Sweet 16" comes to mind)? I consider "Date My Mom" to be one of the worst offenses in overpopulation history. Single-handedly, it offers undeniable proof that there are: too many TV networks, too many reality shows, too many people willing to be on television for any asinine reason, and too many people watching television if stuff like this continues to be on the air. The existence of this show is painful to me.

Google!

2006-04-29T11:35:00.000-05:00

This is an example of overpopulation done good. In the midst of the overwhelming plethora of information available for consumption on the internet (from people just like you and me!), Google can justify your existence. Like, say, if you Googled "Overpopulation Blog", this silly little blog would be first on the list. Hey, I exist!! :)

Oooh, History Lesson: Thomas Malthus

2006-04-28T08:32:00.000-05:00

(Credit for this goes to my Uncle Mike.)

Apparently some people are perceiving this blog as a way of expressing my dislike of people in general (*cough*Alex*cough*). Not true, I tell you. Pretty much everything I write should be taken with a grain of salt. I have some pent-up frustration regarding what I see as decline in several arenas of our global community, but a) I'm pretty much an idiot; b) no one listens to me; and c) yeah, I'm an idiot. As my mother would say, "Opinions are like assholes."

Anyway, the dapper stud in the sketch above is none other than Thomas Malthus, whom I learned about in ecology class and then promptly forgot about until I was urged to Google him last night. Now this dude DID have some issues with people in general, because he was all about stopping the lower classes from having so many children. Ideas like this are not the best way to instill admiration from me, but he did have some good points on human population growth and food supplies. And this was in 1798 when there were far fewer people and most of them were shorter and thinner than they are today. So, go Malthus for beating me to the punch by like 200+ years.

Three Hundred Million Americans!!

2006-04-27T11:12:00.000-05:00

Sometime in the vicinity of October, somewhere amongst the amber waves of grain and purple mountain majesty, America will welcome citizen number 300 million. THREE HUNDRED MILLION. We net one person in this country every 14 seconds. I think Gerber's throwing some shindig but I didn't have time to get the scoop on this (every once in a while I have to do things at work that actually lead to a paycheck...I consider my source (Dad) to be more reliable than most internet news organizations anyway).

We're not going to be celebrating here at The OP Blog, though (that would be the royal "we"). Oh, no. It's not that we don't like babies, we just don't like the number 300,000,000. Unnatural number of zeroes, don't you think? That's a lot of America for the world the absorb, no matter how cute that Gerber kid is.

Capitalism Gone Awry: Big Oil

2006-04-26T07:48:00.000-05:00

This is the first in a new series that will explore why and how overpopulation sometimes ruins parts of capitalistic societies.

Take Big Oil.

I am very mad that I'm having to pay $30 to fill up my wussy car every week while this doofus is getting $400 million just for retiring (from a company that is charging me $30 a week for gas). Um, no. Also, an analyst interviewed on NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams (I predict a blog entry on "analysts" in the near future) suggested that consumers have only themselves to blame for rising prices because they are the ones creating the demand. Well, I'm demanding that analyst shut the hell up because it's not like we have any alternatives.

Everyone seems to be blaming everyone else for the sky-high prices, but really it's just because there are too many people on earth. So many, in fact, that we've seemingly become powerless in the face of abuse by certain large corporations that have rendered us completely dependent on the product they supply.

This has been an example of Capitalism Gone Awry.

Since that wasn't light-hearted at all, here's something to lift your spirits from The Gilded Moose. JT pretty much always cracks me up.

Condoms Graced By Papal Infallibility!

2006-04-25T09:02:00.000-05:00

So many people have fallen victim to AIDS that Pope Benedict is pondering the effectiveness of condoms in containing the spread of this disease. Sugar coat this anyway you want, but the bottom line is that the POPE is talking BIRTH CONTROL!!! Like they said in that movie, "Jesus, Joseph, and doggy-style Mary!"

Snakes on a Plane!

2006-04-25T08:59:00.000-05:00

The inevitable has finally happened. So many movies have been made that filmmakers have literally run out of titles.

(I award bonus points to Kenan Thompson for looking so hilariously disturbed in this production photo.)

Elvis Impersonators!

2006-04-25T08:48:00.000-05:00

30,000 of them! THIRTY THOUSAND!

Bearproof Dumpsters!

2006-04-24T11:42:00.000-05:00

This one's a gimme. When there's so many of us we're forced to live well into bear territory, inventions like this become a necessity (because bears oh-so-love our tasty pizza).

A New Starbucks Every 5 Hours!

2006-04-23T18:53:00.000-05:00

Dammit. I thought I was going to get away with blowing off overpopulation today, but then I had to go and watch 60 Minutes. Somewhere in the world, a new Starbucks opens every 5 hours. Also, the corporate headquarters employs people who treat coffee like wine snobs treat wine, talking about flavors and textures and shit. Come on! Are there really that many humans on earth?! This problem maybe more severe than I originally thought...

Lazy Sunday.

2006-04-23T13:41:00.000-05:00

I'm just going to phone it in today and let Gary Trudeau do my work for me. We seem to have a similar fear of Republican birthrates going up. Too bad I can't figure out how to make this bigger so you can actually read it. Try going here.

If I got anyone excited with my title, I'm sorry (god, I didn't even put in the effort to come up with an orginial title). I'll try to work in some SNL humor later in the week. Until then, I'm just going to apologize for the patheticness of this post and blame it on overpopulation. That's generally what I like to do.